To play or not to play

I am trying to decide if we should sign Fletcher up to play soccer in the fall. It shouldn’t be this hard a decision. I’m in a funk right now, lots of other ‘issues’ eating at me. I guess since I can’t figure out those problems I am making a much bigger deal of this soccer thing than I should . . . . I know better than to ruminate. I know better. But it doesn’t stop me.

The problem, besides the fact that I was disappointed in the organization of the YMCA teams the last time we tried this, is that I don’t want to do anything right now. I want to sit and be lazy with my children. I want to draw with chalk and go to the park and eat freezer pops and take long naps together. I want summer to last forever. Thinking about soccer has brought back to me the hurry of the school year. The rush to get things done, the rush to get out the door. Feeling like we never just played at home, but were always rushing around. How some days trying to get down the street to playgroup just seemed like too much. How hard it is on those nights that Raymond doesn’t come home, trying to get the kids fed and bathed and into bed on time. Do I really want to add to that?

But I think Fletcher would enjoy it. He still talks about his t-ball team a year and a half later (I thought the t-ball experience was terrible, and felt like I spent the entire 8 weeks chasing Lola Gray off the field and Fletcher back onto it! But he seems to have enjoyed it more than I did, and I guess that is what is important.) Plus, he keeps telling me (even though I had decided NOT to sign him up for soccer this year) that his soccer team will be starting soon. He has no idea how I am struggling over this. I have no idea WHY I am struggling oer this!

Making things that much harder, the games will all be on either Tuesday or Thursday nights, which means Raymond won’t be around for any of them. It breaks my heart for him not to be there. (I’m so selfish – I’m not sure I could stand it if he were playing on a night when I was working and couldn’t be there! Raymond is much more mature about this than I. Thank goodness I have him to balance me.) I wanted to go with the soccer league that does Saturday morning games, but all of Fletcher’s friends are playing at the Y and I know he will want to be with them.

Ugh. I’m thinking too much about this.

I guess I’m about to become a soccer Mom.

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